Joining the Thin Club

The Breakup Diet (it's not about chocolate!)

A reporter for Better Homes asked me what I say when people ask me how to quell the pangs that come from emotional eating.  Ouch!  Tough topic.  I've been down that road so many times.  And in the distant past, if I had a rough day at work - the candy machine was the best distraction.  If my love life was in the toilet bowl, it was ice cream and cake that I would turn to.

The times they are a changing!  But how DO I now address those emotional times?

I'm in the process of coming off what could have been a full-fridge horrific breakup.  I've been through a couple of those, unfortunately, since the big one - my divorce.  I have found that there are two approaches to dealing with stress, anxiety and situational depression in my life and they don't include psychotropic medications. 

1 - I stay aware and keep food in perspective.  I remember how carbs and sugar will  inevitably "crash" my system - make me feel satiated in the short term but zonked after a while and then I will be depressed afterwards.  I remember the end product emotion - the depression - that will ensue when I realize I finished the bag of pretzels and washed it down with the entire chocolate bar.  And I don't want to feel that way.  So even though I'm blue at the moment, I don't want my mood to shift to black...

2 - I stay in motion, to get the good hormones going (endorphins, adrenaline).  But how do you drag yourself out of the house to exercise when you feel like the world is crashing down around your head?  Again, try to remember the feeling of finishing the workout or long active walk, or whatever it is you do.  You feel accomplished.  Your muscles are a bit achey but oh, so limber and stretched...and all those feel-good brain chemicals are swimming around in your head.  Activity beats couch potato syndrome--especially when you zip your skirt up the next morning.

3 - I meditate.  For me that means prayer.  Or sometimes a walk along the water - somewhere.  Or sometimes a walk with a good friend who will listen.  Or better yet, an afternoon of fishing.  Just me, the fish, the salt water, a boat...I'm good...

So now that he's history - I'm heading forward - to conquer some new vistas - and to stay healthy, in body, mind and spirit! 

Tired and Hungry

So it's 10:15 PM and I've been working since 6 am.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but being unemployed and trying to scrounge around to make ends meet is really hard work.  I feel like I have LESS time than I did when I was working full-time.  How weird is that?

I'm up early, checking emails at the crack of dawn, and then I drop my daughter at school.  That time is sacrosanct.  It is the only time I really connect with her, not always successfully since she is not a morning person.  But we download as much as we can before she is off doing her thing.  Then I pray.  It takes about an hour and I try hard to force myself into a state of concentration.  Connecting with G-d for strength and support has become a real necessity for me.  Without that spark of inspiration and reminder that He is going to provide for me, I feel lost all day.  Prayer and exercise have so much in common that way for me.

And then it's back to work.  In front of the computer.  All day.  Job-hunting.  Writing.  Editing.  More writing.  Not fun writing like this.  Business letter writing.  Resume revising.  Networking.  And eating.  I try not to drift down too often to the kitchen.  But my body is used to small meals every couple of hours.  Only when I'm parked in front of the computer, my mind knows I'm not burning those calories the way I would be if I kickboxed.

So it's discipline to not eat the tortilla chips in the kitchen (THEY'RE whole wheat and flax - CHILL!), the ice cream in the freezer (its SUGAR-FREE and LOW-FAT!!!), or the Kashi bars in the cupboard (they are low-glycemic load- read the label if you don't believe me).  Do I succomb?  You bet I do.  But comes noontime, I take a 30 minute - 6 mile walk.  I know I may not get to kickboxing today - I had to work through my usual evening kickboxing time.  But at least I got my blood moving a bit.  And burned off some of those high-fiber, low glycemic, whole grain, well...you get the picture...

Got jobs?  Judy

The 20-minute date

Am I a bitch?  I don't like to think of myself as shallow or rude.  But today when I opened the door to greet a date--a man I met online, I had to keep myself from slamming it in his face.  Unkempt, with a protruding pot --no this was bigger than any pot in a commercial restaurant -- belly, X grinned from ear to ear when he saw me.

And why shouldn't he?  Four nights a week of kickboxing, one day of treadmill and another of intense uphill walking--plus watching what I eat, keeps me trim.  Yes, I admit it, looks matter to me in the men I date!  And because I feel good about myself, I would never greet a date without primping -- just a little bit.  I want to look good.  I want to see that look of delight when they see who they are dating.  And I expect the same kind of care from the man I am dating.  But there was no way of predicting this one.  His photo was OK, albeit dark and while it didn't show much below the face, his profile body type read "average."  I guess I forgot that the average man today is overweight!  He sounded OK on the phone - friendly, nice.  But staring at him in close-up - well, just yuck!  I just couldn't imagine myself with him.  Not in public.  Not in private.  And then there's the part of me saying, "Hey, you were once obese...why are you being so damn judgemental??"

So here I am, faced with a man whose face and body repulsed me - and I shuddered at the thought of having to spend an evening with him watching him from across a table.  I guess I could have endured the evening.  But it seemed such a colossal waste of my time and his money.  And while I felt bad about taking his weight into account, I knew it was more than just the pot belly that was turning me off.  So, I decided to save us both.  I informed him that my daughter needed some face-time with me.  She had just gotten home and had homework to work on.  "I understand," he said.  "Kids come first."

Saved by the kid!  (And the whole ordeal was just 20-minutes - which no doubt qualifies as the shortest date I've ever had in my life!)  Next online date may have to provide his BMI before I agree to meet! 

Too Self-Centered?

Is there a possibility that as you are losing weight, you can become too self-centered?

I ponder this after a friend from my former fat days caught up with me recently.   I asked her about another acquaintance.  "I don't talk to her anymore," she confided in me.  "Ever since she lost a lot of weight, she's just become too full of herself."

Full of herself, how?  Well, she talks about her weight loss, her activity level, and about the foods she avoids to keep herself slim.  She talks about the new clothes she's bought and some that she is planning to buy. 

As my friend went on about this acquaintance, I had to smile.  Because I remembered full well being close with this very friend--the one who was complaining about the self-centered one-- and how EVERY conversation at her house revolved around the food she didn't want to eat but inadvertantly found herself eating...I watched her as she stuffed herself full of food I would no longer think about.  I listened to her as she complained about clothes no longer fitting - about activities she had no energy for - about her failing health. 

And I couldn't help but feel sorry for my friend.  She didn't get it.  What she saw in Skinny Sal was the positive version of Mopey Miranda.  Both were self-centered.  Both talked about food, albeit one about food that was healthy, the other about food that was her nemesis.  Both talked about their bodies, and about their clothes.

So does losing weight make you self-centered?  No.  It makes you love yourself and think in positive terms.  Get with the program, Mopey Miranda!

Of Pretzels and Sex

OK, I admit it.  Since I became single, there are times when I feel deprived--many,  in fact.  Days (or weeks or months) without sex just fuels my desire to touch, smell, taste something salty-to fill myself with...the crunch of PRETZELS!!!  In the absence of sex, pretzels seem to fill a void.

I noticed during the ebb and flow of my dating adventures that there are times when circumstances (or lack of a partner) leaves me climbing the walls.   My old boyfriend, who was unavailable frequently, used to joke about it.  A few weeks without him, and I found myself at Trader Joe's trying to decide between pretzel crisps and the short crunchy whole grain nuggets.  I'm buying pretzels, I would chide him--my way of letting him know how much I missed him.  The crunch of a pretzel during our midnight phone call was my way of saying, "Get over here NOW!"

"You're just trying to fill a void," suggested an Internet guy-friend who is too far away to help with any other solutions.  "DUH," my reply.

One friend suggested a vibrator.  Another suggested if I can't find a man, I should consider settling for a woman.  I suppose that may work for some.  Me, I'm just a pretzel kind of gal.

So I made a deal with myself.  On days when my cravings for unbridled passionate pretzels (in lieu of other things) overtakes me, I will indulge a bit (portion control!!!) and work an extra hour on the treadmill or kick boxing.  Yeah, I may end up eating away at my knee cartilage, but when all is said and done, at least I won't get a social disease or pack on the pounds. 

My Secret Weight Loss Weapon - the Power of Prayer

Can you pray your way to being thin?  While prayers may not stave off the cravings for a milk shake, they affirm your belief that you are not alone in your struggle to get and stay thin.

I discovered the power of prayer early on during my struggles.  Recovering from a difficult divorce, looking for a job to support myself and my children as a single mom, living in a basement that frequently had no heat and was constantly sewage flooded, navigating the new social scene - and looking for the right man to be my partner for the rest of my life, keeping my children on-track - none of it was easy.  And I realized early on that I could turn to food, or I could turn to the prayerbook.

I found that the same positive endorphins that flowed while I exercised, flooded my brain as I beseeched G-d for comfort, sustenance and to help me through my challenges.  I found myself connecting in ways I never thought possible.  Understanding that my challenges, though unique, were part of a Divine Plan and that each was presented to me as a test - not to hurt me, but to teach me - and this lessened the hunger pangs, cravings and desire for things that are not good for my body.  After all, my body was a gift from G-d, given to me to serve Him - do I have the right to defile it in any way?  Praying each day, put me in touch with the fear, love and gratitude that I need to muster in order to understand that I am never in it alone.

Take time each day to put in a prayer and to mean every word you say.  It's amazing how it will help you balance your body, mind and soul.

A Victim No More

The "Victim" or "Martyr" mentality is one of health and fitness's greatest challenges.  When we see ourselves as controlled by others, self-sacrificing to the point of neglect or helpless, we are subscribing to a life of failure.  Yet so many of us see ourselves as "not in control" -- and translate that into being "victimized by circumstances."

Are we really in control?   The answer is yes...and no.  We can't control circumstances in our lives.  Those of us who believe in a Higher Power, believe that someone else is in the driver's seat--always.  But we can certainly petition that Higher Power to intercede, help and aid us in our efforts.  And we can control our responses to our lack of power, by continually going forward -- not getting bogged down in the minutiae of details.  That means NO food will ever have power over us.  That means if we miss a day of exercise, we do not have to engage in weeks of abstinence since we "broke our record."  That means as life (or G-d) throws us curve balls, we can choose to catch them and throw them back...The victim stands and gets hit by the lemons.  The functional person decides to use those ripe and juicy lemons to make lemonade, open a stand and sell the goods to others.

Several weeks ago my job was eliminated.  I was a Regional PR Manager for Lord and Taylor.  I cannot tell a lie.  Being a self-supporting mom, the fear is palpable.  But rather than wallow in pity for myself, I decided to trust in G-d, pray every day and exercise to keep my mind healthy.  Do I know where I will land?  I do not.  But I refuse to knight myself as a Martyr or Victim.  I will use my faith in G-d to understand that this is part of a larger picture--one that I am NOT privy to.  I will ask for His divine guidance to help me each day.  And I will do whatever it takes to help myself.  And for those who may be asking the question, NO, I will NOT indulge in junk food and couch potato habits.

May each of you make today a positive day and stay in the "Victim-Free" Zone!  Judy

Getting Your Needs Met

One of the toughest things I've learned to do--and it's very much a part of my weight loss--is learning to ASK for what I deserve.  Time for myself to exercise, beautify or just "veg out,"--a phone call from Mr. Wonderful who suddenly takes a powder when you're waiting by the phone.

Part of the whole "martyr" gestalt that frequently leads to weight gain - is feeling that everyone else comes first.  It's the old how many Jewish mothers does it take to fix a light bulb question (answer, "Oh, don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark").  Well guess what, folks.  IF you sit in the dark, you've got only yourself to blame.

If you drown yourself in layer cake - well, you are making a choice.  One of the truths I learned to face while I was fat was that FAT was a choice I was making.  I chose to eat wrong.  I chose to indulge in foods that would insure that I would be unhealthy, and I chose not to exercise.

The weight loss began the day I decided to choose health.  And that was the day I learned to ask for what I deserved in relationships, in my home, from my children and in my life.  It's OK to ask for what you need. If the answer is no, you can find a way to get it.  It's all about choices.  We make them every day.  And about finding a way to no longer sit in the dark and blame the world!

The Last Ten...

No, I'm not talking about the last ten pounds.  Those I've pretty much resolved to always retaining as part of my low-hanging belly!  I refer to the last ten reps when you are exercising.  The ten push-ups, sit-ups, crunches or ten seconds of "planking" that always seem to be the hardest.  Why is it that a part of my brain shuts down when the instructor (Steve the Sometimes Sadist) screams, "Last TEN, BEST Ten!" or worse, when he nudges my belly with his foot to bring it further off the ground when I'm planking?

But I've found that the last ten can be an opportunity to test the final few moments of your strength--to really challenge yourself to go the extra mile when you think for sure you've hit the end of your endurance.  So how do you muster the might to continue.  Here are some tricks:

1 - Pretend you're in the army and your life (and your whole platoon's, for that matter) depends on whether or not you can do those final ten push ups.  If you fail, you'll all DIE!  Yeah, that's motivation!

2 - Remember the last ten bites of pasta, potatoes or rice you indulged in and do one sit-up for each bite that is now sitting complacently on your derriere!

3 - Imagine the last ten tracks in the zipper of your favorite dress--the one that is getting a wee bit snug around the waist when you try to zip and resolve to make it looser by staying the course.

4 - SING along with the music and keep your eyes OFF the clock (clock watching during exercise is the absolute worst thing you can do).

Here's to the final ten!  May they all be swift and easy!    Judy

Regrets...I have a few...

At the end of the day, it isn't going to be the layer cake that you ate that will be eating at you.  It will be the question of whether you were true to yourself when all is said and done.  Did you treat others the way you expect to be treated?  Did you sanctify each moment of your  life and live your life in a morally sound manner?  Did you acknowledge and honor those responsible for blessing you with bounty--beginning with G-d but also others who may have helped you purchase, afford or ultimately be able to earn your sustenance?  What does any of this have to do with being in The Thin Club?  The Thin Club is a state of mind.  It is the balance of your life that enables you to understand what is truly important versus what is not so important.  When food is your focus, the layer cake becomes a goal.  When food is the means to a greater end - a way of fueling your body, staving off hunger and sanctifying where it comes from--it all starts to make sense.  And the layer cake will no longer matter.