It astounds me how much wisdom can be gleaned by studying Torah - the Jewish Bible. My mind opens up like a flower as I delve into the ancient secrets compiled and transmitted by Moses. Every word is as relevant today - to ME - as it was thousands of years ago to my forebears wandering in the desert.
So, Passover is a holiday that is not designated a celebration - like Sukkot and Shavuot (please don't ask me to name these holidays in English...). It is a holiday that constitutes work and remembrance. Work that today consists of cleaning out every crumb in our life and remembrance of times that were hard - really really hard to endure. Our lives were made miserable and we screamed in pain. And G-d heard us and answered us. We bless the matzo each year - the bread of affliction - not once but TWICE! Unlike ordinary bread that we bless just once. Perhaps to remember that especially when we are experiencing affliction, G-d is with us and we know that everything has a reason, a time, a season. "This too shall pass," King David advised his son, Solomon. When things are up, they will change. When things are down they will change. Life is not static. The soul is as motile as an elevator.
This Passover, for me, was real. I came face-to-face with mortality - dealing with my aging and declining parents. I realize that life is way too short. I'm not getting younger. As they age, I age. I felt the pain of their aging. And the loneliness of mine. And I blessed G-d - even though I have my challenges. We all do. Different challenges. Afflictions, yes. But He has a plan. Of that, I am certain.
In preparation of Passover, I went through my cabinets and got rid of the half-eaten bags of pretzels, half used flour sacks, the yeast I used to leaven my weekly challot. And with those changes, I made some emotional adjustments as well. I resolved to rid myself of relationships that were "crumbs" - I've had a number of those aging on shelves. The guy who calls once every three months for a date when he is in the neighborhood...not good enough for me. The guy who calls every day but can't seem to find time to actually come and meet me - if he were serious about a relationship, we'd have met long ago. The one who says his busy profession takes a toll on his time, but frequents the dating site in the interim--gone with a sweep of a feather. All lovely men. All totally not serious about a relationship - at least not serious about a relationship with ME. Crumbs. Yup. I burned them all with the leavening. They are dust in the wind. Owner-less...I don't want them.
So today, having made it through Passover, having prayed, thanked G-d for the hope He gives me through all the tests and travails I might face, I move on to bake anew. New me. New relationships. New outlooks. More studying, more heartfelt prayers, more attention to myself, my parents, my diet, my exercise and to my goals - in life, in relationships and in Torah.
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