Today is my birthday and I am feeling a little sorry for myself.
I've always been the functional one. Sometimes that is a good thing. Looking back at my life, I've accomplished a lot - wrote three books, published two. I've succeeded in taking the lemons I've been served in my lifetime and used my skills and strength and made some pretty delicious lemonade. It hasn't been a single-handed endeavor. I've had help from G-d and others along the way. But fortitude has always been a tool in my toolbox - and I've used it with pride.
I've worked hard to not ask others for help - and to extend myself to others instead. I can do it myself. That's the credo I've been fed from infancy, and one that I am proud of.
So when I meet someone else who claims she is helpless and uses others, without reaching for the fortitude in her own toolbox, who calls on others for every little thing and who functions from a sense of entitlement, I have a hard time understanding. I even feel slighted. Like perhaps I've missed out on something cogent in my bid to be independent and strong. Because without even realizing she is doing it, the other reaches out and helps herself to extreme doses of sympathy, caregiving and nurturing that I would never dare to ask for. Perhaps that very quality has contributed to my strength over these years.
Is this my life's challenge and something I should address in myself? I probably should thank G-d that I am mentally and physically able to care for myself without draining the people around me. But still, there are times when I feel like strong people finish last. So I am reaching within for strength to deal with this conundrum and to hold my head up and keep going as long as I am on this earth.
Happy birthday to me.