My Big Fat Over Fifty Pregnancy

Bedtime Rituals

"Should we wake him up?" I asked D. this morning when Eli was still asleep at 7 am.  It was the second night in a row that he had skipped his usual 4:30 am feeding and was sound asleep - even after Shalom had been diapered, nursed and bottled.

"Are you out of your mind?" was his response.  "Let him sleep!"

And so we did, until close to 8 am when he woke up by himself with a grouchy wail.

How did our chaos finally come together?  For two and a half months we had been juggling disruptions as the babies seemed to fight anything that could come close to  a schedule or pattern. I never knew if they would wake every hour on the hour, or sleep for four hours straight.

From the time they were two weeks old, D and I decided that our babies--all babies, in fact, need routines.  Being seasoned parents, we figured we would start them early, so by the time they are fourteen or so, they will be naturally respectful and obedient (please allow me my fantasies).

As bedtime rolls around, we turn down the lights in the house, letting the darkness seep into the rooms.  We keep the babies up as much as possible in the hours before bedtime, even if they are fussy.  We feed them before we eat dinner, which sometimes means we have to jiggle them through our meal.  D joked that if his mother could see him spearing a chicken breast with a fork and eating it, as he feeds the baby with the other hand, she would call him a caveman.  Sadly, for the time being, Emily Post and his mom would NOT approve of our dinner manners.

Then after we have had as civilized a meal as we can, when the babes have that "I'm ready for bed" drunk look, we bring them one by one into the bathroom and bathe them in their special tub.  We dry them off, put them in PJ's, I nurse and offer them an ounce or so of formula, and then we bring them into their dark room.  We put them in their separate cribs (we tried the together thing but found we had to pry them off each other and comb the "spit" hair gel out of their hair, after they spent hours sucking on each others' heads).  We sing the "Shmah" (bedtime prayer) and wish them a goodnight.

Do they cry?  Sometimes a little.  But all of our routines are rock solid, and it helps the babies know what comes next. We are creating small traditions that start with a warm hello and morning prayers when they wake up, breakfast, dressing and going down to the "day room" and end with our regimented goodnight.

This is the beginning of what we hope will be a lifetime of secure and comforting rituals, traditions and routines - the kind that hopefully will be continued as they grow, and remembered long after we are gone - and perhaps, even introduced to our grandchildren and great-grandchildren some day to carry on.

The Uncles Visit Their Nephew

Most of the time, I feel like just another Mommy.  It's an ageless kind of feeling - interfacing with Moms my own age, those much younger and some in between.  Other times I find myself reminded of the weirdness of having little infants of my own at my age.  Sometimes others remind me (20-year old daughter:  "Well, of course you have back pain, you are a fifty-something year old with babies!"), and sometimes situations are just unusual.

We went to Florida to visit with my son, Jason, daughter-in-law, Matti, and their almost-four year old son, Shua.  When David and I got married three years ago, Shua was just a baby.  I held him in my lap at the ceremony.  When he fussed, I handed him back to his mom.

Now Shua looked lovingly at the boys.  "Don't cough on the babies," we reminded him as he perfected the art of coughing and sneezing into his sleeve.  "I love my uncles," he said as he affixed stickers to the butt-pockets of Shalom's jeans

We went to Jungle Island, the beach and to the playground with Shua.  Of course, the twins couldn't do all that much besides look cute in their stroller, but Shua was in his glory, running, jumping and playing  Did I mention I love being a grandmother every bit as much as I love being a Mom?  He showed his friends his uncles.  Some of them looked confused, but most of the four year olds were accepting of the concept of underage uncles, even when some of their parents looked a little put-off. 

Jason and Matti bonded with the babies beautifully.  As Jason gave his little bro a bottle, he shared brotherly handling tips for surviving my parenting.  He advised the boys to hide everything - including their cigarettes and told them if they ever have any issues, they can come to him.  Suddenly their was a rumble and an unmistakable smell coming off of the angelic little baby in his lap.  Jason held out the baby and handed him to D.  "Now I know what it feels like to be a grandparent!" he crowed.  Hmmm...

How My Job at Lord & Taylor Taught Me How to Parent

As I was walking through Target last week (my favorite store as silly as that might sound), a woman with a baby in a carrier stopped me.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I'm used to being stopped and asked about the twins.  This woman, who appeared to be in her late thirties or early forties, said, "Oh my goodness, I don't know HOW you do it with twins!  I've got my hands full with just this guy!"

Grateful that she identified ME as their mother , I smiled and told her it isn't so bad.  I hope she is reading this - because maybe some of my newfound techniques can help her.

One of the cool advantages of having twenty years in between babies, is that all the experience and wisdom you amass in between sets of children serves to help in the most unpredictable ways.

My job in marketing and event planning at Lord & Taylor was a one-year gig that took place shortly before I met and married D.  I staged fashion shows, celebrity meet and greets, music programs, art exhibits and other events that required meticulous planning of every aspect from lighting to sound.  These days life isn't nearly as glamourous but it is every bit as much fun because the techniques I used then are helping me to parent my twins.  How, you ask?

I find myself planning and staging the different moments of my babies' lives from wake up to bedtime, and believe me, the skills I developed at L&T, have been amazingly helpful.  After all, we are setting patterns right now - for sleeping, eating, playing and napping that will hopefully last through the first years of the boys' life.  Staging is critical.

Wake time, we open the blinds and turn on the lights so the babies internal clock registers as daytime.  They are fed, diapered and dressed in "daylight" even when their day starts earlier than the sun. 

They spend daytime in the "day room" - a room filled with both natural light and bright high hats,with a portacrib and stimulating toys to ensure that their sleep intervals are naps, not to be confused with nighttime sleep.  Though I dim the lights in the room at naptime, I never shut them all the way.

I keep a stereo in this room and adjust the songs, as well as tone, loudness and tempo, dancing songs to accommodate our "exercise sessions," which consist of me waving my arms and jumping around in front of the crib, then stopping to give them a turn; children's music to keep them stimulated during feedings; and eventually instrumental, melodic "sleep" music."

Staging also involves the "setup" for diapering, clothes changing, when necessary, and laying out towels and pajamas at bathtime.  Everything is done methodically to facilitate step A leading to step B - which makes for a predictable outcome and babies who do what they are supposed to when they are supposed to.  For example, at bathtime, which leads to bedtime, I prepare two bottles, then close the room-darkening curtains, turn down the bedroom lights, prepare their pajamas, get the tub and towels set up, put the baby that is not being bathed in his crib under his mobile and bathe Baby A.  After toweling Baby A, I diaper him and put him in pajamas and switch him with Baby B.  After the baths, I nurse both babies, then top them off with their bottles.  By then they are more than ready to be put in their cribs and usually they go down without a whimper.  Then we say our prayers, shut the light completely and close the door almost all the way.  Most nights this leads to at least a nine-hour sleep.  I plan on introducing bedtime earlier to increase their sleep time as they grow.

Of course, all the staging in the world may not keep a distressed baby in perfect syncrhonization all of the time.  Things happen to shake up a baby's routine - travel, moves, shots, teething - but the beauty of staging is that once the hurdle is over, you can pick things up where you left off, and the baby should snap back to his or her routines.

Travel necessitates the same kind of staging, although it is impossible to plan for every single scenario that could take place.  I remember when I had my first child - 28 years ago - thinking, well, babies are portable, what's the big deal.  While they ARE certainly portable, there are many things to consider when you are traveling. 

Since one of the babies is crying now (naptime over for that one!)- duty awaits - and I will post some travel tips next blog session!